


Did eye for an eye made our world blind?

by Akiko_kitsune



Category: Gintama
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Oboro, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Enemies to Lovers, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Oboro POV, Someone had to write it, Touch-Starved Oboro, Two disaster gay students bonding over their feelings to their teacher, What-If, top takasugi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-17 18:55:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17566100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_kitsune/pseuds/Akiko_kitsune
Summary: What if Oboro didn't die during the battle of Rakuyou? What if he opened his eye one more time waking up at Kiheitai ship?





	Did eye for an eye made our world blind?

**Author's Note:**

> After whining for weeks at Twitter about it, I finally get to post it! Without all the people who came across my account and supported me, it would not happen, so I want to thank all of you and I hope you will enjoy it.
> 
> At the beginning I'm quoting canon a bit, I used the hiwamatanoboru translation of the manga.
> 
> And cause I always write and think with music, some songs that helped me through it: Echoes - Leave Your Lover, Billie Eilish - lovely (with Khalid), Daughter - Touch.

Takasugi wouldn't bet anything on his own surviving. Not since he put into action his plan to assassinate shogun or rather to stir unnecessary troubles. Though he hadn't foreseen this turn of events. He hadn't taken into account how many people would take a risk and try to save him. Maybe his troupes, out of blind loyalty or unable to see any other way at this point. But he didn't expect his comrades from the war to show up. And it all was reflected in his actions. He had to think fast, make decisions with no information and with a mind still hazed by coma from which he had just woken up.

For a man at his state, he was surpassing anyone's assumption so much that it brought everyone in awe of him. Or drowned in fear if they were his opponents. There was only some messiness in his actions that only Oboro's careful eyes caught on.

Eyes.

He still didn't get used to it.

There was only one left. The other had been taken by the same man he was watching now. Although, Oboro didn't feel any resentment towards him because of it. It wasn't his first injury. He stopped noticing them. He deserved them for all the sins he had committed in his life.

Kiheitai with other forces backed off to the forest. It was definitely not Takasugi's order. He wouldn't be so careless to get somewhere where they could get separated. Or maybe they didn't have any other options.

“Separate Takasugi from others,” he ordered.

He needed to make a call.

 

* * *

 

When Kiheitai got out of the forest, situation for them changed from bad to worse. They faced Naraku led by Oboro. While it frightened his subordinates, Takasugi stood tall with a smirk on his face. What an insolent man...

He once said that Oboro should remember his and Gintoki's faces. Because they would be the one to come for his head. Let’s make it today.

“Harusame has started to withdraw,” Oboro spoke to Naraku. ”You all should retreat as well.” Takasugi wasn't their first priority here. At least Utsuro didn't care much if that man lived or died.

Naraku didn't oppose his order. They were broken to be obedient. Oboro was only obedient towards Shouyou-sensei. No one would take it away from him. No matter how many times they tried to break him. No matter if they had the same face and smile like him. 

Right. He could do it. He could betray Utsuro. That thing wasn't Shouyou.

“Then why are you here?” Takasugi taunted Oboro seeing he wasn’t going to retreat. ”To give excuses for why you lost a war to some insects?”

"Because I know that insects that crawl on the ground sometimes grow wings. As an insect who was given wings by the same man, I know.”  
  
Takasugi wouldn't allow his face to express the astonishment, but Oboro learned to distingue even the most surpassed human reaction. He could read it from the way his breath quavered. His mind needed a moment to process and his hand still refrained from unsheathing his sword. But soon his shock was swallowed by annoyance.  
  
"The same man? You mean that twisted crow and sensei? Yoshida Shouyou is dead and vengeance is right before my eyes.”

“I do not care either way. Whatever it be... Yoshida Shouyou or Utsuro.” That were only words. Something to provoke the fight. Were they?

It didn’t matter anymore.

He grabbed his sword. Let's end this course today.  


* * *

  
Oboro had no intention of killing Takasugi. That one order was always meant to be disobeyed. He only needed to provoke him to a fight. So he would harm Oboro and let him get out all the curse blood that once he used to think as a blessing. It worked. Oboro could felt death drawing closer to him like the day he first met Shouyou. He used his last minutes to tell Takasugi everything he knew. He needed to. He had to do at least this for his youngers disciplines.

With that, Takasugi would know enough to figure out everything left by himself.  
  
_If I could redo it then… I would have liked to become one of you… Shouka Sonjuku…_

Beautiful last words. The best Oboro could ever think of.

But they weren't his last.

Oboro woke up once again. In an unfamiliar place. Judging by the look of the interior, it was some spaceship. His body was sore and heavy. It would take time for him to recover. Maybe he would not recover this time. He felt too weak to move, so he only moved his eyes trying to figure out his position. Did Naraku notice his betrayal or…?

Takasugi was sitting by his bed and watched him.

That was even worse. Oboro had no idea what to do. Why didn’t Takasugi leave his body to rot there? It was all Oboro deserved. He would even call it merciful. The current situation felt rather like torture.

“So this curse hasn't ended,” Oboro chuckled bitterly. Each muscle he used in this motion paid back with stabbing pain.

“I couldn't let you die.”

“Why?”

“You were his student.”

And that was all he needed. It felt too easy. It didn’t lighten any of Oboro’s sins. He didn’t deserve being called Shouyou’s discipline. He didn’t deserve it.

Oboro heard some footsteps. More than one person. Two or three. His senses were weakened by his state. It was probably Takasugi’s subordinates since they were on their ship. They had to overhear their voices and went into full alert noticing he had woken up. Oboro was still an enemy. Their hurry was understandable. He was too close to their commander. If he wasn't so weakened by his recent death, he would pose a real threat. Takasugi was beyond reckless sitting with him alone. But no one ever called this man careful.  
  
Takasugi only looked at the door where his subordinates got and ordered them. “Get us out of here and keep us safe. After I'll talk with him, there will be next orders.”  
  
"Shinsuke-sama..." the blond baby-faced woman squealed.  
  
"Leave. I'll handle it."

They didn't understand their leader's decision. But all these voices were kept low and with tones of respect. If their leader was sure about his decision, who were they to oppose it? They left without further opposing.

"Are they afraid I'm going to slit your throat at your ship at the end of the universe?" Oboro asked when the footsteps became distant.  
  
"Their work is worrying about me. For me, they only try to fulfil their duties." He sighed. He closed his eyes for a moment. He looked tired. It wasn't in any way surprising. He had woken up from a coma and then fought his way out from the battlefield. And now he was refusing to get rest cause he wanted to watch over his opponent.

“An hour. Maybe two,” Takasugi said opening his eye again. “That long you have been unconscious. People usually ask about it.”

It didn't matter for Oboro. He probably wasn’t unconscious. He was dead. So over an hour... It wasn't surprising why now his body was refusing to move.

Takasugi shifted on the chair to lift the drowsiness that was growing on him. “I sent one of my subordinates to tell your story to other Shouyou students,” he spoke again. “And we're going to save the world. I guess.”

“You keep always saying that you're going to destroy it.”

“I destroyed most of what I wanted to destroy. Now I can try to save something.”

Again they heard footsteps. This time it was one person. It was that blond woman. "Shinsuke-sama. We got in touch with 7th division..."  
  
"Tell them we have to meet. As soon as possible."  
  
She nodded and went away.

“They will never stop interrupting,” Takasugi sighed. He stood up. He needed to. There was no rest for people like him.

When he left, Oboro tightened his hands to fists and relaxed them. He tried one by one every kind of slow movement to make the blood run in him a bit faster. Even if it hurt. He needed to get out from here.

 

* * *

 

Takasugi came back the next day. Oboro hadn’t noticed him, till he spoke. He knew how to walk around soundlessly.

“I saw many men called monsters in my life, but none of them recovered as quickly as you,” Takasugi hummed leaned at the doorframe.

After a day, Oboro got back to the normal movement. It could be astonishing for mortals. For him, it was slower than ever. He nearly got that cursed blood out of his bloodstream.

Takasugi walked in. “I can't let you die of loneliness here, can I?”

“It would be easier for you if I die from any cause. Keeping me alive isn't a smart decision.”

“Luckily, you're not in charge here.” Takasugi sat in front of him.

Spoiled. That word Oboro would use if anyone wanted him to describe Takasugi. It covered everything about him. From his preference to the high standard to how everyone was always trying to please him, which only brought an eye-roll from him. Also how high he wore himself, how much attention he was catching from merely entering the room.

_You’re only a fly that will never earn heavens attention. Why are you acting as if everything belongs to you?_

Why wouldn't he take what the world was giving him? Takasugi wasn't a penitent like Oboro. He didn't have such heavy sins to atone for.

"You are not a prisoner here, you know. In case there was something on your mind...”

“I don't want to stress your people.”

“They can handle it.”

“You should think about them more if you’re calling yourself their leader.”

These words were hard to swallow. Takasugi sat in silence for a moment.

Oboro coughed. Not now. Not when someone else could notice it.

When he looked up after the attack, Takasugi’s eye focused on him. "It isn’t because of your wounds."  
  
"It's nothing." Oboro moved back, but there was no escape. That one eye kept following him.  
  
"You're dying."  
  
Oboro didn't say anything. He didn't have to. Takasugi knew.  
  
"Right.” Takasugi put his gaze down. “Otherwise you would do anything against him." He sighed. When he looked again at Oboro his gaze was softer. "Is there any way to help you?"  
  
"There is none. My body is wearing off."  
  
"You said he made you immortal."

“Mortals shouldn't play with immortality. Our bodies aren't capable of it. If we try, that's the prize.”

“It wears off one day…” Takasugi murmured. “Do you need anything to ease your pain?”

“There's nothing more that could be done. I've made myself some medications before, they should be enough for a week or two more.”

“I figured, you were known from your poisons, so it isn't that far from making medications. If you need any supplies, say something, to anyone. We’ll try to get it,” he stood up wanting to go away. Was he weighed down by what he heard? He felt guilty for forcing Oboro to experience longer death.

Whatever it was, what Oboro heard made him stop Takasugi. “I was known? I wasn't known. I was no one my whole life… You sent that policeman with the antidote?”

Takasugi smirked. “You thought no one kept track on you? That no one cared?”

“Why?”

Takasugi came closer. “I wanted revenge. You always took one of the main roles when my life was torn to shreds. And now… everything turned upside down…” he hung his head down. “I thought about what you’ve said… I was thinking too much about it.” He looked Oboro in the eye like there was the final piece of this puzzle. “Back then at war, you... You were trying to save us… Right?”

Oboro didn't answer.

“Everything has gone mad in our world. I rather curse that day with all my might, but I can't stop thinking that without you there, we would be dead. Tendoushuu had no reason to left us alive back…”

“It doesn't even all my faults.”

“Does it have to do so?”

“You wanted to judge all the crows, right? You have an opportunity to do it now.”

Takasugi seized him with his gaze.

“I've already made my judgement of you.” After saying that he went out.

_And you’ve decided to save me. Not to let me rot so far away. Why?_

Oboro waited, but there was no answer coming.

 

* * *

 

Oboro reached for his clothes that were waiting for him folded on the counter by his bed. Bloodstains dried on it, there were many holes from his last fight. It didn’t make much sense changing back to them. Also, he didn’t want to wear Naraku symbol anymore. 

He had to get used to for now to plain, cotton yukatas that were left for him by Kiheitai. He only needed to check if everything was still here. It wouldn’t be surprising if Kiheitai had taken away all his weapons and poisons.

They didn’t.

How did they survive this long in this world if they were keeping acting like this? If what he was left, he could kill all of them here.

But maybe he had no point in doing that.

He took his sword and hid it in his sleeves. That was rather caused by habit than any idea of using it. He also checked poisons. They were also here. Especially the one he cared the most.

Getting out of the spaceship wasn’t the hardest task. Not if he was left free like now. He only needed to get to the safety capsules and…

There all his plans were crashing.

Oboro had nowhere to go. The only thing he could do is finding someplace to die, but he was uncertain what qualification that place should have to be his last. He starting to understand Utsuro more. Dying was difficult.

Another plan was the same poison he kept in his hand. He knew that in smaller doses this one was working on him. Maybe if he used enough of it, it would take him away from all this...

Oboro got alarmed by some sudden sounds. Breaking glass, furniture being moved. No footsteps. No one else seemed to get alerted by this, even though Kiheitai acted on any disturbance. Did he overhear it? Impossible.

So Oboro went out and wandered around. There was no one in the corridors. People needed to rest sometime and, even with Oboro on board, there weren't many dangers that could meet them in the middle of the cosmos. Aside from whatever was happening now.

He was counting on finding some light source apart from emergency lights. The other person, whatever was doing, did it under cover of the darkness like him. Though they didn’t do it quietly. Sound guided him. When he found the right room, the door was left open, he could peek inside.

Takasugi was nervously looking for something. Finally, when he found the bandage, his moves concentrated on it rather than destroying the cabin that wasn’t most supportive. His hands were trembling. He messily tried to bandage one of his arms. But even in this unusual distress, Takasugi soon noticed he was watched. He turned around.

“You have that much of courage to walk freely around here?” he spoke, but soon he got distracted by another fail try of putting the bandage on. “Happy to see this?” he murmured pressing the bandage to his wound. “How pitiful I am?” He sighed and seemed to calm down a bit. He leaned at the wall and look at Oboro. “You’d seen me even lower than this.”

Oboro watched him. He looked even more tired before. Tormented. Apart from hand, he didn't seem to be injured in any way. All that was happening was happening in his head.

Takasugi tried bandaging again. His moves were sloppy. It seemed that he was hazed by alcohol a bit. He didn’t drink much. The scent didn’t seem like that. The tiredness made him more susceptible to alcohol.

“Let me,” Oboro interrupted his moves. He took bandage in his hands and put it properly. Takasugi let him. He was too tired to pick a fight. He only watched him the whole time, but it didn’t matter for Oboro.

Takasugi reached to him. Oboro was ready to get pushed away or hurt. Nothing like that happened. Takasugi's fingers ran through his hair. Oboro flickered. It made the man chuckle. "You act like no one ever touched you."

That was true. No one touched him in any gentle way. He only knew hands that brought harm.

Oboro stepped back when he finished. Takasugi lost interest in the bandage and followed him with his gaze. I'm still thinking about what you said…”

“You don't know what to do?”

“I know what to do,” Takasugi scoffed.

Save the world, stop Utsuro, kill him. That was the plan. Oboro made them follow it. But how far would they get?

“I…” he bit his lip before continuing. “I figured out before who Utsuro was, but… What you've told don't make me feel better. I was right, but it shows how rotten world we lived in that it matched a madman's vision. I saw with my own eyes that he died. Yet, I didn't believe in it. When I heard there was someone strong in Naraku, I thought… Shouyou was strong, so… That isn’t intuition, that's denial.” He closed his eye and open again like he wanted to brush all these thoughts away. He stayed focused on Oboro. “So you took Shouyou all for yourself, huh? I wondered… How could you watch when he was becoming the monster?"

“After he died, he came back like that... I felt like it was what I deserved.”

“I would try taking him to myself too.”

“It isn't anything good.”

“So? I just want him back.”

“What if there would be a punishment for your actions?”

“There definitely is,” he let out a broken laugh. “But it won't stop me. If I let it stop me, I wouldn’t make even the tiniest step. And sometimes I might be afraid, sometimes I might step back, but I won't let it stop me for long… Even if everything I've done is wrong, I’ll keep worry and wander through my life...” his voice broke.

Oboro also knew these words. They got written down between lines of their life. Along with all the pain that got tangled with them.

“What happened?” Oboro asked. He started caring about him. They were similar in how pathetic their feelings towards their master were. And in where it all brought them.

“I couldn't sleep. Again. As always.”

Oboro knew that state well. But unlike him, Takasugi couldn’t close his eyes and pretend everything is alright or that nothing can be done. He wanted to do something about it. And that want was pushing him towards making a decision. That one impossible decision.

“Maybe I'll be able to help you,” Oboro said. What was he doing? “Come to my room.”

Takasugi listened. How unlikely for him.

Oboro remembered the way back to his cabin, so he didn’t have a problem with going first. He didn’t look back if Takasugi followed him. He couldn’t hear his footsteps, though his own was also soundless. Maybe both of them were only tormented ghosts. They would never rest in peace, cause they got to taste the paradise, to stand in Shouyou’s presence. And then they were pushed to hell pit, to the world where they would never get him back.

Maybe that was why they never stopped howling towards the heaven.

Back in his cabin, Oboro went to his clothes and took a bottle from it. He also took the glass and water that were left for him.

When he finally looked back, Takasugi was there.

“You are not the only one with tough nights,” Oboro explained. “It's better to keep your senses clear, but when I have to recover…” He poured one drop from the bottle and filled the glass with water. “Drink it before you try to sleep again. Its should take effect in a few minutes.” He gave it to Takasugi.

“Are going to poison me?”

“Will you mind if I am?”

“No.” Takasugi drank the liquid.

Oboro watched him for a moment. “You should have to drink it in your room. You may not be able to go back there…”

“At least my people will have a clue who might have killed me.”

“They would suspect me anyway.” He helped Takasugi sit on his bed.

“You have quite a bit of it. It isn’t only for some time to time recovery.”

“You have alcohol to tame your mind, I have other methods.”

“Hm… Will it give me good dreams?”

“It never brought me nightmares.”

“That's good enough… I was always sleepless during nights. Even as a kid when there was no nightmare to haunt me. I wasn't made to stand in the daylight.”

The drug started to take effect. Oboro knew well its actions. His breathing was getting slower, sight gazed. He leaned on the wall. It was happening a bit too soon. But fatigue and alcohol in the bloodstream quicked all reactions.

“It is a poison when it's in a larger dose,” Oboro spoke. “That's why I diluted it in water. That's why I didn't use needles. Concentrated in your bloodstream would cause damage.”

“Shame you didn’t…” he closed his eye for a moment. “That’s why you have so much of it… It was for you…”

“I have enough for myself. And I'm not sure if it would work on me as I want it to.”

Takasugi started to notice that drug was taking effect. His body was going limp. His mind hazed. He smirked. “Are you really killing me now?”

“No,” he sat by him to help him get into lying position. “It will only make you sleep.”

Takasugi leaned on Oboro before he could move him. “Shame. I would like to die like this. It's so peaceful…”  He fell asleep with his head on his lap. Oboro let him stay like this for a bit and watched him. He was only afraid that there were no peaceful deaths meant for them.

Oboro laid him down on the mattress. He gently took his clothes off. He wiped the sweat off. He dressed him in the additional yukata that was left in this room.

Oboro glanced a few times over his body to see if there weren't any other injuries. Someone had to take good care of him. Probably if Oboro didn’t find him, someone else would treat the damage this night brought.

Maybe there was something in Takasugi that prompted people to take care of him?

He never looked after himself. Insomnia, tendency to drink off his problems and lacks self-preservation instinct. And… that injury wasn’t caused by an accident. Since no one reacted to all that noise he had then, it had to be a recurring situation.

Now, asleep and without all that attitude he used to shield himself from the world, he seemed so vulnerable...

And that man wanted to bring the world on its knees and he would do it. Maybe Oboro wouldn’t survive to this point, but he was sure, that if only Takasugi’s body and soul stay in one piece, he could accomplish anything.

He traced over his cheek, repeating the motion Takasugi had made.

Humans were so tearable.

But it didn’t make Oboro look down on him. It made him worry, but the same time it made him in awe. Maybe he was beoming one more person who was ready to put his life on the line to save his.

It should be like this. If they were fellow Shouka Sonjuku students, Oboro would do anything to protect him.

Unlike what had happened in their lives.

He should have been with them, watched over them. He should have been one of them.

Why didn't he take to courage to do so?

Oboro intended to stay up and watch over him, but he still didn’t recover fully and soon tiredness won over him. His eye closed seeing something beautiful. It was only followed by nightmares. Finally, something he deserved.

 

* * *

 

Takasugi woke up long after Oboro. He seemed to feel better. He didn’t question why he ended up here. He only yawned and reached to his clothes only to take his pipe. 

Soon they heard some hurried footsteps.

“Tsk. They found me,” he sighed and waited who would appear at the door.

Only one person walked in. Bansai.

“Shinsuke...”

“I know, you need me,” he stood up. He walked out without caring for his clothes. All he needed in his life was his pipe and his attitude.

Bansai stayed and picked his clothes. With such a solemnity, it made Oboro turned his gaze away. He never let it show when Takasugi was around, but he did care a lot about him.

“Is he like that with everyone?” Oboro dared to ask.

Bansai glared at him. Right. He was their enemy. In Takasugi’s presence, it was easy to forget about it.

“He likes to play with people but he gets bored easily. I don't understand what interesting he could find in you.”

 

* * *

 

Oboro stayed. He had nowhere to go after all. In the nighttime, he wandered around the ship again. It was a relic of being a spy for his whole life. He couldn’t stay in one place knowing anything about it. And while wondering around he caught on a slight melody running around the ship. He went after this sound. The door to the cabin was left open and dim light lighted there let him see everything inside.

Takasugi was sitting in the middle of it playing shamisen. This melody was so soft, that it was no wonder how blond girl near him seemed to fall asleep.

The melody stopped. Takasugi raised his eyes and smiled when he saw Oboro. He didn’t say anything.

The person, Oboro could not see, stood up and left the room alarmed by his commander behaviour. Oboro managed to back off, so Bansai’s unsheathed sword didn't even look threatening.

“Bansai, let go.”

His subordinate after a moment chose to listen to an order. He returned to his previous place, but his eyes stated on Oboro.  
  
"You said I'm not a prisoner here."

“Do I ever lie?” Takasugi grinned. "Bansai, take her."  
  
His subordinate fulfilled his order. He took carefully the girl in his arms. There was no more reluctance in him. He knew his commander got too focused on a new plaything to act.  
  
"You watched them closely,” Takasugi spoke to Oboro. “Are you scared of them?"  
  
"I don't know much about them. I've never found them interesting before."  
  
Takasugi chuckled. "You heard it, Bansai? Even he thinks you're boring."

The man didn’t say anything. It gloomed Takasugi a bit. He put the instruments to the floor and pour himself sake to erace bitter taste of being ignored.

Oboro followed them with his gaze till they went out of the room. "Is she your woman?" he asked when he and Takasugi stayed alone and footsteps grew distant.  
  
"She's her own woman. Or whoever she would fancy… I made her worry a lot lately. I felt like I have to make it up for her... What brings you here apart from my personal affairs?"  
  
"I heard the music."  
  
"I never thought it was that loud."  
  
"My senses are sensitive. And here in the middle of the night, there is not much to listen to…”

Takasugi poured sake into one of the empty cups and pushed it his way. It was almost to clear sign that he wanted him to stay. Oboro had no other choice left. He sat next to him. And since Takasugi was only watching him, from his mouth the words had to slip first. “Yesterday I wanted to leave.”

“What stopped you?” Takasugi drank his cup.

“I don't have anywhere to go anymore.”

“You can go anywhere you want to, but you haven't found why would you yet. But we don't need to be in hurry, do we? Drink and enjoy the night."

Oboro did it out of courtesy. He sometimes had to do, but he never got a taste in alcohol. Takasugi on the other hand, seemed to enjoy it in dangerous amouts. One of two bottles was already emptied and only his cup looked like it had been used. And he didn’t seem to stop on drinking soon.

"If I may... You're drinking too much. Once in a while is not wrong, but with your frequency..."  
  
"Why do you care?"  
  
"As your senior discipline..."  
  
Something broke in Takasugi when he heard it.  
  
Oboro forgot how varied and changeable humans' emotions were.

Takasugi let alcohol brush off every unpleasant thought from his mind.  
  
"Is there a chance for any of us to survive?" Takasugi moved his fingers through the strings of the shamisen laying by his side. He added one more note to that never ended melody. "My subordinates sometimes say that I'm like a light and they're only moths who follow it. They don't mind burning in this light. But is there any light in me? I'm just a moth trying to reach any trace of Shouyou's light."  
  
"Maybe somewhere along the way you learned how to shine with your own light. Or from the beginning, you were never a moth."  
  
"So what am I? Firefly? It’s all so stupid." He drank and looked at Oboro. "Then who are you?"  
  
"Who knows? I never cared who I was. I set myself on fire for him."  
  
"You loved him."  
  
"So, did you."

“Is it so obvious?” He let out a broken laugh. “How pitiful, isn't it? After all these years I'm thinking about some first sentiment.”

How many years did Oboro think about Shouyou? How many years did he endure a monster that shared a face with him unable to stop him? That was truly pitiful.

Oboro reached for alcohol. They were disappointing students.

“There was no one to who I would talk about him,” Takasugi spoke again. “Most of his students died. For us who survived, it became too painful. Others never knew him from this perspective…” he ran his fingers through the strings of shamisen. “Oboro… You don't have any last wishes?”

“No. I didn't deserve anything more than being forgotten.”

“You won’t be forgotten.”

“You won’t do even this for me?”

“Did I ever say that I will grant your wishes?” He threw him a dangerous gaze that soon softened and moved down back to the shamisen. He was still pulling its strings but in a way that it didn’t make any sound. “I was curious…” He left the instrument in peace. “I won't forget you.”

“Because I hurt you so bad?”

“Because that’s all that I can do for you,” he raised his eyes to Oboro.

“You never give the promises you can’t keep?”

“That always drove me mad in some people.”

Oboro kept watching each of his moves, all his gazes, he listened to every word and every sound he made. And yet he couldn’t crack him. How?

“Why are you like this?” Oboro let this question slip hoping Takasugi wouldn’t pay it any mind.

“You have to specify. Too many people ask me about it.”

“Why are you so gentle with me?”

Takasugi let out a laugh. “Am I?” He moved closer. “You don’t like being spoiled? You aren't used to it?”

Takasugi reached his hand to him again. Oboro made himself stay in place. His body couldn’t understand that this gesture wouldn’t bring him harm. And if it would, these hands were entitled to bring him punishment.

Takasugi traced over his cheek. His fingers ran to Oboro’s closed eye.

“I'm sorry.”

Takasugi wasn't a man for who apologising come easily. Oboro knew it. He recognised it from how high Takasugi was wearing himself, how much arrogance was in him sometimes.

He didn't mean the injury. He meant _I'm sorry I didn't figure out who you are sooner_. Or maybe that was only Oboro's imagination.

But there was indeed something soft in Takasugi's gaze.

“I hurt you too. I ripped everything from your life.”

Takasugi stayed close. His hand could slide down to Oboro’s neck and end this suffering. But it didn’t.

“Shouyou was my everything. But you kept me breathing, so now I can and I will take back everything that is mine.”

“How can you be so stubborn? You're walking straight into danger.”

“Oh, are you worried about me?” Takasugi chuckled. “I made you fall for me so badly? I thought I scared you when I first touched you. Now I’m thinking that you like it a lot, hm?” His hand moved indeed on his neck, but it didn’t clench on it. It was only a brash of his fingertips. He stopped when he reached to Oboro chest. “I must be an awful person, I try to stain everything that my hands could reach."  
  
"It isn't staining."  
  
"I've already corrupted you to this point you started to like it?"  
  
"You're gentle."  
  
"Or I'm luring you to me?"  
  
"Why would you?"

“Maybe I’m bored and want to kill some time.”

“There are many more interesting ways to do it.”

“Yet, all my attention is on you… It is strange. Maybe… Maybe for the first time, I’ve met someone who’s similar to me. And I’m want to make sure if it isn’t only a mirror glass under my fingertips.” He took his hand away. He had said too much. At least he had alcohol to stop himself from talking.

In silence, the sound of footsteps got their attention. Takasugi seemed to recognise these steps.“Always a buzzkill,” he sighed.

Bansai.

“I should go.” Oboro stood up. “You should get rest too.”

Takasugi grinned. “Oh, will you hug me to sleep again?” When Bansai went inside the room, he chose tostop teasting. “One full night sleep once in a while is more than enough. If you need anything…”

“I'll ask for it.”

He didn't need anything. He never had anything. He could go on without for long without food or shelter.

He was treated here with more care than in most years of his life.

His skin still felt hot where Takasugi touched him.

 

* * *

 

Next day Takasugi came for Oboro. It was the only situation when he could be useful for them, even through Takasugi let him complete freedom in answering questions. They were talking about strategy, from time to time asking him about the forces Utsuro could gather.

Oboro's eye followed Takasugi. It was one more of his faces he got to see. Calm, calculated, serious. He left behind the door his seducing charm. He was a commander here. Though this image also brought a lot of attention to him.

After the meeting, Takasugi got so lost in thoughts that he walked Oboro all the way to his cabin.

“You started to get quite cozy here…” he murmured seeing some books Oboro had taken in the night.

“I didn’t mean to steal…”

“All is still on the ship, isn’t it?” Takasugi grinned and came in. He looked around, but apart from books, he didn’t notice any change in the room.

Oboro closed the door to give them more privacy. He should have known better than lock himself in with a lion.

“You are looking at me differently today,” Takasugi hummed.

“Am I?”

“You are. It’s flattering.”

Again. He walked around with that smug on his face like the whole world was at his feet. Maybe that was indeed the truth. Oboro couldn’t keep his eyes off him.

“Am I that irritating today?” Takasugi asked nearly chuckling. “You hardly ever show emotions, but now… Or maybe…” he got closer. Oboro didn’t move back. It only deepened the smile on Takasugi’s lips. “Maybe you finally have some interesting last wishes.”

“Nothing in particular.”

“How am I supposed to believe that if you’re looking at me like that, huh? But as you wish.” He moved back. Only for one step. Oboro could easily reach for him and pull him closer if he... Did he want to? Takasugi spoke again. “You’re no longer that obedient crow, are you? You started thinking for yourself.”

“I did.” He pulled him closer. Although he wouldn’t call it _thinking_. It was rather something that was happening outside his consciousness, but what was slowly voicing in his thoughts. What was it? Feelings? Instincts? Wants? Were they positive? Negative? He didn’t know it yet.

He didn’t get a moment to think it through.

“So now you want to take me all for yourself?” Takasugi chuckled. He wasn’t as reserved as Oboro. When a sudden idea brought a smile on his lips, his body was already putting it into action. He kissed Oboro. Or rather push himself onto him. His lips were so hot, burning in contact with Oboro’s. His hands clenched on his sleeves, so no movement could separate them. It was too much, too hot, too hard… It was too good.

Takasugi let him go, but he stayed close to him. As close as Oboro pulled him into, as close as he wanted him to be.

“First kiss?” Takasugi murmured amused. “Was it good?” he put his arms around Oboro’s neck. “I can show you even more nice things if you want me to.”

Oboro didn’t deserve anything good in his life. But the way Takasugi was giving him everything made it feel like there wasn't any big price for it. Like even Oboro could get some of it.

And so he took it.

He leaned to kiss him. Takasugi didn't move, letting him do whatever he wanted. It wasn't much actually. Only a touch of the lips. Feeling how soft they were when they slowly melted into each other. And then running away. Like a touch of butterfly which motifs Takasugi often used. It was so tender and it wasn’t a sign of anything good. Like a death omen, but would it be that bad to go out like this?

“You can take even more...”

Butterflies on his yukata flickered with the material as Oboro pushed him on the wall. Incoming kisses weren’t as tender. Oboro already learnt the heat and the softness of Takasugi’s lips. What was left was a want to taste it all again, more, deeper, longer.

Takasugi didn’t need to hold Oboro in one place. Like a spider doesn’t have to think about catching a fly if it gets tangled in his net. It changes its tactic then. And that was exactly what Takasugi was doing. His hand moved up Oboro’s arm, to his neck, then down along his nape.

It was like a current run through his body. Oboro straightened up, his lips trembled.

“I wondered where you weren't touched,” Takasugi murmured as his hand came back and with the other one slid down to Oboro’s waist. “And I wonder if,” words were slowly coming out his mouth like he was wrapping his net around him, “Since you’ve taken me all for yourself, how much of you, you would let me take.” His hands moved to Oboro’s obi. Without any rush, he began to untie it.

How easy it was for him to tighten all the threads he set around Oboro in the last few minutes, maybe in the last few days? Patience yields him anything he wanted.

“Say if anything hurt,” Takasugi murmured. So softly Oboro thought he overheard it. Why would he care about him to this point? Though in the situation they got into now everything seemed possible and impossible at once.

His hand traced over Oboro’s scars. Starting from the one crossing his face. His eye. And then down one by one. Like he tried to read his history from them. Oboro couldn’t recall from where he got most of them. He never cared about himself nor his own body.

Soon Takasugi’s fingers found a barely closed wound. It didn’t actually hurt. Or it wasn’t painful comparing to what Oboro had experienced in his life. Though he spoke to test what would happen: “It hurts.”

Takasugi's hand moved away, he kept it nearly brushing Oboro's skin till he tried touching him again a few inches away. All his moves were so tender. What did Takasugi have on his mind now? What was he trying to do?

Spider hidden between the butterflies, that suited him. Something that seemed so small and vulnerable, but if only it was left unnoticed, it could bring on serious damage. And this little spider, when they weren’t looking, knitted a net big enough to catch the whole heaven.

Takasugi pushed yukata off Oboro’s shoulders. He stood before him nearly bare. It didn’t embarrass him. He was nothing, therefore, his body was also nothing. Only a dull tool. Oboro thought that whole his life. Until he noticed how Takasugi was watching him. Like he was something. He touched him again with the same gentleness as always. Why? Again, because, what he was seeing, felt familiar? How? How could someone of this beauty find anything familiar in this nothingness?

Takasugi moved closer. Oboro didn’t expect it. He never expected to feel someone’s heat on his bare skin.

“Sh… I won't hurt you.”

“I don't mind.”

It would be easier if Takasugi wanted to hurt him. It would be something Oboro knew. But his touches even for a moment didn't lose their tenderness.

“Now, you're obedient to me?” Takasugi chuckled.

Was he?

How did Oboro stand and let him do anything he wanted? Even if there was a net set around him, was he only a fly that got caught? Or was he a crow, that could destroy the whole net if only one thread was loose.

Oboro bit him.

Takasugi trembled, but grin didn't get off his face. “You yet have to be tamed?” he kept teasing him.

“If someone tastes freedom, it's hard to enslave then again.”

Takasugi hummed interested. He put his hands on Oboro's neck. Why each of his moves and sounds was so magnetic? It was like he was stealing the air from the whole room.

Did it all have to be a zero-sum game? It was rather a game where they both gained and no one lost. That was why it was so easy to fall into it. No risk, only gain. That sweet taste of succeeding.

“Maybe use that freedom.” Takasugi murmured to Oboro’s ear. He knew exactly what he was doing with people. Oboro wanted to catch him, touch him, feel him closer. He even moved his hands in that motion but refrained and clenched them on the fabric of Takasugi's yukata.

“My value won't change if you touch me,” he chuckled.

Oboro touched him with his healthy hand. He traced over his skin. Starting from the cheek in that already known motion. From the thin line of the scar, he moved down along the neck, chest. Takasugi was right. His value didn't change. He was like a noble mineral, no matter the circumstances nothing could deprive his value. Oboro had seen him lying in dirt and begging. That didn't change that now he was close to falling on his knees before him.

There was one even more dangerous thought deep in his mind. His fingers traced the skin from scar to another. No matter with how much care Takasugi was always treated, all these years the war was bitting into him wanting to leave its marks on him, making his hands calloused from wielding the sword, hardening his muscles by pulling him to his breaking point again and again. Like a blacksmith, forming him into a weapon, a tool in hands of an idea or a belief. And then pushing him to war again, till he breaks.

Maybe that was why he seemed so beautiful? He was on a verge of breaking?

“Who would have thought ruthless Yatagarasu can be so tender?”

“Did you expected anything else?”

“Maybe it does suit you better… Sit.”

Oboro didn't think about it before doing. If there wasn't anything behind him, he would have fallen and he wouldn't be minding it. But Takasugi made them get near the bed, so he felt the mattress underneath him.

Takasugi's hand returned to him. Oboro knew what to expect, but the man already learnt a few of his more sensitive parts and gave them a lot of care. Then his hand wandered into another place. It had to be some bruised because it brought a bit of pain

“It hurts.”

This time Takasugi's didn’t stop. For a moment his fingers dig deep into hurt flesh. Oboro hissed and grabbed on his arms. He didn't expect it. That man spoiled him to become sensitive to everything he received from him.

“That felt good too, didn't it?” Takasugi moved his hand away from the reddened place and rest in on Oboro's lap.

He was right. But why? Why did it start to feel good after a moment of sharp pain? What was happening?

Takasugi guided Oboro's face back to kisses. His hand run through his hair, then down his back.

Oboro started to understand. Takasugi was rebuilding him. Last few days were like someone put him to the water and now he was heated up and formed again. But can the tool that was used for so long be remade without breaking? He wasn't made from anything as noble as Takasugi. Though Oboro wouldn’t mind if he was going to break. He was never anything valuable.

“Why your touch feels so good?” he mumbled between kisses.

“I know what to do,” Takasugi smirked and leaned closer. “Do you want me to do it more?” he purred into Oboro's ear. And before an answer could be formed Takasugi pushed him down pressing him to the mattress.

Oboro swallowed hard. He could let him do anything. That feeling was intoxicating.

Takasugi didn't move further. He breathed heavily. Was he feeling something similar? Did having his life-long enemy under him aroused him? He soon turned his attention something different.

“Need help with that?” Takasugi pressed knee to his crotch.

Oboro breathed in sharply. He tried to calm down. When Takasugi's hand slipped between his legs and grabbed him, he knew he would not calm down this night until this man felt satisfied.

“I wonder what I should do,” Takasugi hummed.

Oboro had no idea. Even if he was more knowledgeable in this matter, his mind was too hazed by too many stimulations his body was receiving.

Takasugi loosened his grip. Oboro breathed out. But it was only a small tide before the flood. Takasugi’s hand moved along the whole length.

After a few strokes, he stopped. His finger pressed on the top of Oboro’s cock. He was at Takasugi’s complete mercy. He let that little spider bind his net tightly around him and he couldn’t recall any moment he felt better than now.

“I must really be a devil to corrupt you to this point…”

“I don't mind it.”

“Oh, you don't mind, huh? Maybe I should stop too.” He let go of him and moved back. Oboro's hands immediately run after him and caught him in the middle. So pathetic and desperate. Takasugi could push him away if it engrossed him. However, it took a different effect. Like that one time, Oboro felt like he saw through the crack of Takasugi's mask.

They both were showing each other too much of their real selves. They were uncovering too easily everything that they kept hidden all these years.

Soon masks returned on their faces. Oboro loosened his grip and showed more reserved expression, Takasugi moved closer with a smirk. “I want to fuck you. You want your first time to be like that? With someone like me?”

With the most tender and beautiful being Oboro ever met? He wouldn't dare to dream.

“Yes.”

Takasugi grinned. “What have I done to you?” he laughed, but his hands returned on Oboro's body, and lips and his, so everything went back where it should be. His moves were no longer exploring his body, from now each of them was a precious step towards his goal. Oboro didn’t expect this could get even more intense.

Takasugi put his fingers inside him. Slowly, tenderly, one by one. He didn't focus only on steady in and out motion. He leaned closer to Oboro. He kissed off the scar on his face. Then gently as a butterfly he went along Oboro closed eye. Down the temple, turned to the ear. There gentleness changed to sloppy kisses and biting. Down the neck, ravishing Oboro's skin. Normally there would stay marks after it, but they brought so small harm that his body was healing them. Shame. These wounds could have stayed.

Takasugi didn’t mind it happening. It wasn't about marking Oboro as his. It was about feeling, about falling into that sweet dream where there was someone in bed whose name you could call in the moment of weakness.

Takasugi slowly took his fingers out. Oboro didn't mind whatever was happening till his arms could be wrapped around him. He felt something thicker entering him. It was hotter than the fingers were.

Takasugi watched him carefully. When Oboro didn’t give him any sign of protest or distress, he grinned and touched his cheek. “Finally your face has some colour. It looks good on you.”

Oboro pulled Takasugi closer for a kiss. He wanted to seal his lips before they let out even more words he had never heard addressed to himself.

He wasn't used to getting touched. Now whole Takasugi's bare body was pressed to him and his hips slammed on him. It was too much. Oboro was drowning in this feeling. His body was burning. Like the blood in him was opposing what if was doing. Maybe it was. Maybe that fire would purify him.

Or maybe he would burn in it.

If only he would burn like this. In full glory.

 

* * *

 

Takasugi was a dangerous man. Most people underestimated him. But even Oboro's watchful eyes didn't get the right measure of this man. He fell into his trap. 

And like it could be expected - falling had such sweet favour. It felt like flying. Like he was free.

At least he got a chance to stretch his wings. Even if they were all broken by other people, even if it wouldn't save him from falling. Under Takasugi's fingers, he felt like he could fly.

“It's too good,” Oboro murmured trapped in his arms. “This can’t be real. Even my most peaceful dreams weren’t as good as it.”

“Maybe from now on, they’ll be better?” Takasugi brought his face nearer to his own. “Will you dream about me?”

“Or…”

What if Oboro had died and that was...

If it was heaven, there would be Shouyou somewhere.

But outside this cabin were only monsters and pain.

So maybe it was hell, maybe it was hell.

Oboro rested his head on Takasugi’s chest. Mostly to avoid his gaze. “Do think he can come back?”

“I don't know. I want him to…” Takasugi’s voice cracked. He swallowed and tried speaking again. “If there is anything that could be done to bring him back, I will do it.”  
  
“Even killing _him_?”

“Even killing him,” Takasugi said, but it didn't sound convincing.

Just as it sounded from Oboro. The world was asking them for too much. How could they harm the person who was the kindest for them in their life?

Oboro couldn't do it. All he ever had was a glimpse of Shouyou smile.

Maybe the creature he became should be killed. Erased from the existence. Maybe. He was indeed dangerous. He was a threat to all the humanity. But how awful it sounded - erased from the existence.

"Do think that,” Oboro started, “If he comes back, he will be mad at us for disobeying him?"  
  
"He will probably scold us, hit our heads and smile to us again." Takasugi hummed.

“Do you really think that? We strayed so far from his teaching...”

“But we’re still his students… Oboro… I tend to forget it, but there are people with same soft gazes as Shouyou’s.”

 _Life won’t end if we don’t save Shouyou. It will be painful. But he wouldn’t like for us to forsake everything else for him._ That was easy to be forgotten, yet they had to keep it in mind if they were choosing to stand against Utsuro.

Oboro had already learnt it. He saw with how much care Takasugi was treated. But even he was given these gazes. From that blond girl who after bringing him food a few times, stopped seeing him as an enemy. And the most from the man who was currently looking at him. Exactly in this one specific way.

Oboro didn’t know what their eyes saw in this emptiness he was. He didn’t deserve any of it. He’d committed too many sins to get redemption.

Even after this night, he couldn’t stop thinking this way. And even if Takasugi’s arms happened to be where he was falling, it couldn’t stop him from crashing into the ground. That was the only possible future he could see for himself.

Takasugi leaned to pick pipe from his robes left on the ground. When he came back to the bed, Oboro was still staring at him. “What? Are you going to say smoking is also bad for me?”

Oboro burst into laughing. He didn’t know why it just…

Soon Takasugi’s hands led him to another kiss.

Maybe it was heaven.

That morning no one said anything that Takasugi was found in Oboro's bed. At least they knew where to find him.

The two of them were alike. However, Takasugi wasn't alone, not as Oboro was. He had friends who would support him. He had subordinates who would help him. He had allies who would lead him to the right plan.

And even if Takasugi turned away from all of these people, he would be capable of saving Shouyou. If it was possible, he was the only one who could manage to do that. Mad enough to try, talented enough to make it come true.

Whatever Takasugi would choose, Oboro felt he could leave Shouyou in his hands.

 

* * *

 

At first, Takasugi smelled blood. Even before he entered the room. He got used to this scent in his life. It followed him everywhere. Even there. In Oboro's cabin.

This world could not stop playing out some madman's vision.

Oboro was sitting on the bed, leaning to the side with head rested on the wall. Eyes closed, a faint smile on his lips.

Takasugi sat next to him. His mind didn't want to interpret some of the information his senses were bringing to him. This time only smell didn't let him forget something wasn't right in this scene. Something wasn't right…

Oboro ripped his heart out.

Takasugi hung his head to move his eye away from it.

Why?

He looked at him again.

Why?

Takasugi noticed a note. It was soaked in blood as everything in his life. He could read the words, but he wished he couldn't.

_Take it with you._

“And what am I supposed to do with it?”

He heard footsteps. Did he sit here for long? No, it was probably only a few minutes. He raised his eyes and saw Matako.

“Shinsuke-sama, what…? Oh, God...”

"Another person I failed to save," Takasugi murmured. He stood up. He needed to put himself into motion. There was no rest mean for him. He took the bed sheet and ripped it into two parts. First, he took the smaller one. He tenderly wrapped the heart in it. It was still warm. Maybe it would be warm for long, cause there was some Utsuro blood left in it.

He didn't understand anything. The world around him had become an utter madman's vision. Nothing had any sense at this point.

That was Oboro's last decision. Takasugi could never do anything with deadmen’s wishes. So he hid the heart when he used to keep his notebook. Near his own heart.

He ran his fingers through Oboro's hair. He traced over his features. One more time.

“Am I cursed?” he asked. Everything that his fingers ever touched was ripped away from him. He could fight, he could scream, he could beg, but there was nothing he could do to prevent it.

"At least you gave him a few more reasons to smile," she said.

Takasugi couldn't even force the laughter. He only swallowed hard and put himself into action again. They had to take care of the body.

“The world really had gone mad,” he murmured.

**Author's Note:**

> ...
> 
> I'm sorry.
> 
> Yell at me in comments or at Twitter (@AkikoKitsune)


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